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Author Topic: GOONS raiding policy statement  (Read 4508 times)

Offline Sardonic

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GOONS raiding policy statement
« on: July 24, 2010, 07:27:52 pm »
Who raids?

I want to mention this at the start. Aside from personal enjoyment, the only nations to benefit materially from tech raiding are small nations. GOONS has many small nations, due to a constant trickle of newbies flowing in. At higher NS, there are both fewer targets and more to lose from raids gone wrong.

Choosing the raid target

First, the ground rules for raids. Obviously, most of the unaligned are fair game.There are rules, however.

-No unaligned or micro-AAs on our "do-not-attack list". We grant immunity to some mercy board graduates (more below)
-No AA with 15 or more members without explicit (and rare!) gov approval.
-No AA with diplomatic ties or protectorates.
-No applicant AAs (duh)

Fairly straightforward, right? Note that not every nation which meets these criteria is automatically attacked. Whether or not to raid is up to the discretion of the raider. Now the question is, once the target is deemed worthy of a raid, how to verify the protection?

Due diligence

"No AA with diplomatic ties or protectorates." This is the hardest point to verify. How do we do it? Sometimes, the nation will have "protected by XX" in their bio. Often they are lying. We have our members perform due diligence in evaluating the veracity of these claims, following a detailed checklist. Even if they don't have a "protected by", they are still required to perform due diligence if the nation is in an AA of any size. This is an abridged version of the checklist:

- Obviously, check the ground rules first.
- Look up the target AA on the OWF, CN wiki and IRC.
- If any of these sources (or a "protected by" bio) link to a protecting AA, also look it up.
- If there is a OWF post or a CN wiki entry for the protectorate, it's protected. Move on.
- Does the wiki contain a disbandment or merger notice? Follow the OWF link anyways, often another alliance will have extended them protection.

Added note about "looking it up" on IRC: Get onto the channel, query a government member. Be polite, and verify whether the AA or individual nation is protected. Save logs just in case, but simply being cordial should keep things smooth and hassle-free for all parties.

- If you're feeling extra diligent, see if an AA has any anomalously low seniority numbers and ask their gov if it's a ghost. If so, and the gov gives you a green light, you still have a target! Ghostbusting is a public service.

Due diligence is important. If a member follows it in full and in good faith, we do not hold them liable for any incidents that may occur.

Botched raids

Okay, so our member screwed up. He did not follow due diligence. The wiki entry's right there, man! :argh: Well, he gets suspended from tech raiding for a couple weeks, and may be required to submit an entry to our Mercy Board. Yes, we do in fact send our own there sometimes. In addition, you are likely entitled to some reparations as this was a clear violation of our policy as well. Again, this hinges on whether the offending member performed due diligence.

Ending the raid

Alright, now how does the raid end? Contrary to popular belief, it's not some sentence of permanent ZI. There are several paths to peace.

1) Join an AA which is outside our valid targets. If they do this, the AA they joined needs to come to us to mention this. The war will be allowed to expire and everyone goes their separate ways. No reps, of course.  Peace can be achieved sooner if the alliance accepting the target asks nicely.

2) Secure a protectorate. Again, things go smoother if the protector at least comes to IRC to let us know. Wars will be allowed to expire, or in many cases if things are businesslike and polite, peace immediately.

3) The Mercy Board, to earn future raid immunity without having to join an AA or get a protectorate.

4) If an outside body (A government member from a valid alliance) informs GOONS about protection that cannot be sited in any publicly available information, GOONS will act on this new information and peace out with the requested group.  Assuming that the outside body is acting in good faith.  No reparations will be provided if no public documents can be found.

Mercy Board

The Mercy Board. There are many misconceptions about this place. There are four types of people we refer to the Mercy Board.

1) Raided individuals seeking peace.
2) Raided Micro-AA leaders seeking peace for their whole alliance.
3) Members who screwed up their due diligence.
4) EoGs (Enemy of GOONS, our ZI list equivalent) seeking clemency. This is a separate issue, won't be covered here.

Two terms are given by the GOONS High War Adjudicator. The Mercy entrant can choose one of the two. These are usually either a whimsical short essay or funny MS paint picture, both PG-13, and the entrant has a 24 hour ceasefire in which to fulfill them.

The point of the Mercy Board is not humiliation, it is entertainment. It is also a way to determine who is willing to demonstrate that they care enough to want peace. If they are invested in their nation enough to play along and have some fun, they earn a spot on our permanent do-not-attack list.

Often, our own members will complete the terms themselves just for fun. Sometimes, the mercy board entrant is such a good sport, we think they possess the goon spirit and offer them membership. They don't have to accept it of course, they'll be on our immunity list anyways.

Some Hall of Fame Mercy Board entries:

Well, that covers most of it. Have some of our Mercy Board success stories!

Quote from: Terms
Option #1:
You set out on a fishing trip to get some peace and quiet and some time alone with nature. What you find is a rugged bear of a man with a thick beard that covers his entire shirtless chest. He's a real woodsman and you can't help but be drawn to his rugged features. Write a poem in at least 100 words that details your encounter. It must follow a rhyming pattern.

Option #2:
Draw us your favorite types of fish and what they would be like in the year 3000 when all fish are made out of robot parts and have lasers and guns. Pew pew! You can draw this by hand and scan it or in MS Paint or another editor of choice.

The mercy board entrant chose #1, and he did a good job. However, our own membership decided to have some fun and do the #2 terms themselves.
Dr. Beefstupid
Write a persuasive essay comparing squares to triangles, and explain which one is better. The essay must be at least 200 words and in persuasive format. Meaning, explain subjective reasoning why one is better in an attempt to have the reader agree with your position.

Square or Triangle? It is a question that has plagued our planet for centuries. However, there is a simple answer to this question of superiority: that the triangle clearly dominates.

Simply look at any stable truss bridge. Are the beams configured in the shapes of squares? No. The bridge would be weak if they were. They are configured, in fact, in the shape of a triangle, the perfect shape. What would modern architecture be today without? What even would ancient architecture by like. Look at I.M. Pei’s entrance to Louvre, all triangles. The Great Pyramids of Egypt: triangles. Clearly put, the world as we know it would fall apart if the triangle were taken out of it.

Another argument that even further solidifies the superiority of the triangle is the fact that it can take many different shapes. Equilateral. Isosceles. Scalene. All different, yet all triangles. Right, Obtuse, Acute. Again, all different, but all triangles. Squares may only take one form, completely equal. Such a geometric shape with such importance to our world yet with such flexibility and diversity in size, shape, and angles would clearly be vastly superior.

Overall, while a square may be pleasing to look it, it is neither as useful nor as diverse as the triangle, and therefore, the triangle is clearly superior.

This convinced us, too. I am a diehard triangle fan now.
You are at the barbers and ask the barber to cut off your fancy beard. Having an amazing beard himself, the barber advises against it. After asking why, he takes you on a magical journey with his enchanted beard, over the meadows and streams, through the jungles and on a magic-beard-ride across the desert. Write up this story in at least 200 words.

Well once upon a time I was walking when I decided to go the barbers to cut my beard. So I went and asked the barber to cut my beard.

The barber looked at me and said “Boy, are you crazy?”.
"No sir", I replied.

Immediately his beard transformed in to a giant portal and he told me to go in.

"Hell NO!” I said, staring with amazement.

“Boy you better get in there before I go all shoop the whoop on your ass”, the barber replied.

Feeling threatened by his Texan accent I went into the magical beard portal and ended up in in a place of meadows and streams.

“Where the hell am I”? I asked.

The barber told me “This is where all the famous beard people hang out”.

Then from the heavens came angelic figures, one of them was Jesus ,then Lincoln followed by David Gilmour, Jimi Hendrix and many more beard people. The barber explained that the beard symbolizes success and pride and cutting it is unorthodox.
We then traveled to a strange jungle place.

”Why are we here” I asked.

“I just felt coming here”, the barber replied.

Out of nowhere a shadow appeared; it was a Chuck Norris. who Without saying a word roundhouse kicked me to my next stop: A dried up desert wasteland.

Here the barber explained that this is the place where unprideful beardless people stay.
There I saw Tom Cruise, Madonna, Rosie O’Donnell and Miley Cyrus.

Then I woke up in the street, dazed and confused. That day I discovered two things; a beard symbolizes your pride and success and that the barber had injected me with LSD.

A magical genie has decided to turn you into the opposite sex. Write a story about this situation and what you'd do with your newfound "powers." No lame/boring 'lol **** all day' response. The story must be somewhat sincere and be at least 400 words.

My word! How unfortunate my fortune is! Such a vile curse- who would think it would be me? I thus inquired- to the genie that is- what purpose this trickery served. "My amusement, and that alone!" He thundered, shaking my foreign and new frame.
"You fiend!" I shouted in return, my voice unknown to my own mind. "How should I now live, without myself?!" I had, indeed, lost who I was- due to some treacherous genie?!
"This shall not be! Zetal, the Ex-Patriarch of the New Holy Roman Empire, is not, and never shall be, a woman!" (though for the sake of political correctness, there is nothing unequal or wrong with that) The genie, unaware, turned and laughed at my feminine uprising.
"Fool! I am an all powerful genie!" With that and a laugh, the diety disappeared into a colored plume of smoke. I, now alone, boiled in my discomfort. What, if anything, could I accomplish as a result of this? Has history itself been rewritten to suit this new transformation, or will no-one of my great country recognize their leader?
"Bah" I spoke immediately and without hesitation. "This uncertainty will not do!" My mind was put to work- accessing all possible outcomes, and soon a plan was formed to solve this conundrum. I moved towards the door of my quarters with a determined look, slipping the door open and acknowledging with a pleased grin that my most loyal guard, Sir Kinsley, was still at his post as ordered. I called him over at once, knowing he would not recognize me.
"Oh guard, you must help at once! It's the Patriarch-!" As expected, the chivalrous guard rushed to help the unknown individual, myself. Knowing that this would all be far too hard to explain, I managed to smash a single blow into the back of Kinsley's head and steal his uniform. It was awkward, in this new body, but everything still worked fine. With this new disguise, I moved out of the hall and opened a panel in the wall, revealing the underground top-secret research laboratory. Inside, after much searching, I discovered what I had come for- The Pistol of Akasha. I grinned maliciously once more, as I knew that I could only succeed. Using ectoplasmic residue still within my bloodstream, I then recalled the powerful genie that had cursed me into this very room by force, trapping him.
"What is the meaning of this, mortal?!" Once more his voice rattled the room, but I held steadfast, knowing my victory was at hand.
"This is revenge for your curse, genie!" I wielded the pistol and fired a single incorporeal shell, which quickly obliterated the genie, causing his permanent banishment. At last I had succeeded in killing the genie, and returning myself to norm-

Wait. ****.

Draw a color picture of a field of chinchillas who are all on fire, and a goon who is there trying to put them out with a waterhose. The goon may resemble a cross between a firefighter and a lumberjack. Must include a beard. You can draw by hand and scan it or do it in MS Paint (or your editor of choice). We don't ask for quality, just effort.

I made him wolverine too because he's a badass with claws and muttonchops (which is a beard) :3

Yeah, that was pretty much an automatic membership offer.

Common Questions/Concerns

This is a section for the frequently asked questions/complaints. Feel free to ask away, if it's a valid question we'll add it here!

Q: Raiding is not profitable! I've run numbers, and if they have <XX tech, there's no way to recoup your losses.

A: You are probably running these numbers with several different considerations. There are two things to keep in mind:
1) It can actually be beneficial to smaller nations. Your AA might be older, and only 10% of your nations are even in range of unaligned. Small nations who raid tech and then sell it have just recovered a large chunk of their investment.
2) This assumes we attack high-risk/low-return targets. We can run numbers, too, and if the point of the raid is profit, we can restrain ourselves.

Q: The protectorate was listed in one line on the protector's wiki page, but not the protected. OWF searches turned up nothing.

A: Well, we'll peace out, but our member performed due diligence. There was no way to know about this protectorate.

Q: I sent a PM to your member telling him to peace out, but he has refused.

A: Our members will not respond to orders from other alliances to cease attacks. They will forward such messages to us, but they will not follow orders from anyone but gov. This is to prevent people from lying to the members to escape, and also because it's just not cool, man. They will stop when we order them to, which will be done once you come to talk to gov.

Q: The raider offered peace if he was sent $$ or tech!

A: Let us know if this happens. We do not tolerate this. This is explicitly against our policy.

Q: I followed these guidelines, but things have not gone as planned!

A: Chances are you negotiated in bad faith, stole your mercy board entry from the internet, or tried to artificially inflate reps numbers, or tried to negotiate your terms down by making vague threats, or just generally tried to lie to us. GOONS are extremely accommodating when approached diplomatically, but we don't respond well to implied threats or lying.

Q: I was attacked during a ceasefire!
A: Either you attacked after the ceasefire and the member responded, or this was an honest mistake and will be rectified.

Q: Our protectorate quietly merged into us. This information is only found on the CN wiki. You raided the un-merged remnants, but we did not extend protection over the them. Can you peace out/put them on your immunity list?

A: Well, a merger nullifies the existing treaties of the protectorate unless explicitly mentioned, otherwise things would get messy around here. It is a firm GOONS policy not to recognize retroactive protection, so this would essentially be a new protectorate. Since you were polite and diplomatic in bringing it to our attention, we'll let the current wars expire and put them on our immunity list. We also politely suggest you post a new protectorate agreement somewhere (quietly on the CN wiki is fine).

Credit goes to Mitsuo for the writeup.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2010, 10:04:05 pm by Sardonic »
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